How many different ways are there to write an obnoxious Cover Letter? There are an infinite variety of ways, but some themes are becoming apparent. Here is another entry in the CL letter contest.
Dear Mrs. Wrong Name:
I saw the ad for computational science postdoctoral research associate, and immediately realized that I was exactly what you are looking for: a physicist with the right mix of computing and science expertise.
I've had a lot of experience answering fundamental questions of the universe with Visual Basic and Excel. My mom always asks me to fix her computer when something goes wrong with it. Although I have never used a supercomputer, I've skimmed some of the slides from your supercomputing course, and it looks to be foundational. I am sure that I will catch on quickly.
The atomic nucleus consists of protons and neutrons. The proton has a positive charge, and the neutron has no charge. I've solved Schrodinger's equation on nuclear configurations all the way up to Uranium, using my spreadsheet model, but I'll probably need a supercomputer to get more digits of accuracy.
I am applying for your postdoc position because I am currently unemployed and living with my sister. I did have a postdoc before, but I had to resign because the winters were too cold and I hated all the deadlines. There's also a guy I met once, a fellow alum of my undergraduate institution (admittedly, 10 years my senior) who works at your institution in a different department and should be able to provide a good recommendation.
I've heard that you pay really well, especially compared to other institutions, but I hope you'll be able to afford to reward someone with my level of experience. I can't wait to hear from you.
Sincerely,
E. Gomaniac
I saw the ad for computational science postdoctoral research associate, and immediately realized that I was exactly what you are looking for: a physicist with the right mix of computing and science expertise.
I've had a lot of experience answering fundamental questions of the universe with Visual Basic and Excel. My mom always asks me to fix her computer when something goes wrong with it. Although I have never used a supercomputer, I've skimmed some of the slides from your supercomputing course, and it looks to be foundational. I am sure that I will catch on quickly.
The atomic nucleus consists of protons and neutrons. The proton has a positive charge, and the neutron has no charge. I've solved Schrodinger's equation on nuclear configurations all the way up to Uranium, using my spreadsheet model, but I'll probably need a supercomputer to get more digits of accuracy.
I am applying for your postdoc position because I am currently unemployed and living with my sister. I did have a postdoc before, but I had to resign because the winters were too cold and I hated all the deadlines. There's also a guy I met once, a fellow alum of my undergraduate institution (admittedly, 10 years my senior) who works at your institution in a different department and should be able to provide a good recommendation.
I've heard that you pay really well, especially compared to other institutions, but I hope you'll be able to afford to reward someone with my level of experience. I can't wait to hear from you.
Sincerely,
E. Gomaniac