One more Cover Letter entry (I think), and then the voting will commence, tomorrowish. Apparently this is a slightly modified version of a real letter.
Female,
I do not understand why you did not reply to my email yesterday.
You interviewed me last spring for a postdoc position. Before you could offer me a position I told you that I did not want to work for you because I wanted to work with BigNameProf instead and he had offered me an interview too. It turns out that BigNameProf did not hire me. I do not understand this either.
Anyway, I really, really want to work for you now. I promise to be an amazing postdoc. I attached my CV in case you do not remember how amazing I am.
Sincerely,
I do good research but have no idea how to communicate grad student